Hard to believe it’s been one year. Did you think a conversation about a web site would evolve into this? I have to admit, I was giddy when you sent me that message. Not because of the idea of working on something with you, but because it would give me a chance to get to know you better. Sure, we’d exchanged a few messages before. You warned me about not getting involved in the drama of a particularly crazy blogger. I thought it was sweet that you took the time to do that. After writing about my love for Xanadu, you blamed me for watching the music video several times in a row. You also admitted to liking the movie and that got you big points in my book.
It took a few weeks for us to really start talking. I had to refrain from sending you messages every day after our first exchange because I didn’t want to seem like some crazy stalker. Guess I don’t worry about that anymore. The conversations we had that first month are the best memories of that year. 2010 sucked for both of us for different reasons, but you made it so much better by the time December had ended. You becoming a part of my life made 2010 a good year for me.
Even before we had started talking, I thought about you. We knew of each other and probably learned quite a bit about one another through comments and posts. You seemed like someone I’d really like. I learned quickly I was right. On particularly bad days, days where my ex was being just plain evil, I’d often go to bed and think about what it might be like to meet you. Somehow, I just knew that if we ever met there’d be an instant connection. You’re smart, funny, beautiful, and geeky like me. What’s not to love? As for you, I figured you just wouldn’t be able to resist my charm. Cynical as I am, I really am a sappy romantic.
Our being in each other’s lives is no coincidence. You know this too. We met where we did and when we did for a reason. Neither of us thought the feelings would come on as quickly as they did. We were both surprised by that, you especially. You weren’t ready and it ended up overwhelming you. You’ve told me you just don’t have a heart left after everything that has happened. That isn’t true. If you didn’t have a heart, you wouldn’t struggle with all of this as much as you do. The real issues are that your head is getting in the way and your fear of getting hurt is just too strong. You just need to give yourself time to feel everything. We’ve both been given new chances at this whole love thing. The worst thing we could do is rush into it.
The year certainly hasn’t been easy. We’ve struggled with how to deal with all the feelings swirling around us. We’re both a little scarred by our pasts. We both put up walls in an attempt to protect ourselves. But let’s face it. Those walls don’t help. If anything, they make this all much more difficult. You’ve had a lot to deal with, more than just your feelings. I know how much you’ve got going on and how hard it is for you to balance things sometimes. The stress of everything has been too much for you at times and that’s when you disappear on me. I still don’t know if that’s to protect yourself or to protect me. I just wish you wouldn’t do it. You shouldn’t have to struggle with anything in isolation. Hopefully one day soon, you’ll realize that no matter what’s going on in your life, you don’t have to hide from me to deal with it.
The year may not have turned out like either of us thought it would. Early on, we had some pretty big plans. Maybe too big. Maybe that’s why the ground shifted on us the way it did. It couldn’t take the weight or the stress. Maybe it was trying to give us more time to deal with our own stuff so we had a better chance down the road. I don’t have the answers. I just know I’m grateful to have you in my life.
I’m hoping I’ll be writing these every year for many years to come. I want it to be a reflection on how far we’ve come. Adversity we’ve overcome. Memories we’ve made. Things we’ve laughed about. Sunsets we’ve watched from a swing on the porch. Relationships take time, especially the good ones. We just need to keep taking those baby steps forward. I’ll walk east and you can walk west and we’ll meet somewhere in the middle.
This video seemed appropriate for many reasons, but you already know that.