Carry Me Swiftly Towards Salvation – Part 3

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A quick glance at the email told Katelyn it was not going to be a good morning. All caps, exclamation points, and obscenities peppered the message.

“I don’t understand what part of me being broke you don’t fucking get!!! I told you I’m almost out of money for the month, and you said you’d help with the gas for my car. Well, I’m almost out, I’ll have to stop on the way to work, and I won’t have enough money to pay my credit card bill. What the fuck is going on with your money?!!

Where is all your money going? It can’t possibly be going to our bills. We don’t do anything. We don’t buy expensive things. I don’t get it. Do you have some drug or gambling problem I don’t know about? You’re obviously not telling me the truth, otherwise we’d have more money at the end of the month.

If you don’t start telling me what’s going on, I’m leaving. I’m done doing this. I’m so FUCKING tired of being lied to and living like a dirt bag. I was better off before we were together.”

By the time Katelyn got to the end of the message, she was enraged. She was tired of having this same argument. Katelyn had been working full-time since they moved in together. She had taken on the burden of supporting the family while Heidi finished school. And supporting four people on one full-time salary that would barely support two people? Next to impossible. For awhile, they had Heidi’s financial aid to help with things. But because she was over the unit limit at the university, she had recently lost her aid. And Katelyn had been hit with a pay cut because California couldn’t manage its own finances. Katelyn had even tried to explain several different times to Heidi just how much she brought home and how much went out, but Heidi always said “I don’t want to know!” So, Katelyn just kept it to herself, trying to make ends meet as best she could.

But this time, she’d had enough. With her blood pressure rising and her temper about to explode, Katelyn tapped out an angry message back to Heidi, detailing every single dollar that came in and went out each month. She’d had it. She knew that if she didn’t make it clear to Heidi, this argument would just resurface. And Katelyn’s mind couldn’t take it anymore. She’d always had a bad temper and she felt that she was on the verge of snapping. It had taken years to get it under control, but as the stress in her life piled up, her temper and short fuse had made a comeback. She remembered the doors with holes punched through them; the bruised knuckles; the broken foot. She couldn’t start down that path again. And in the past, she often escaped the problems and stress by drinking. But she didn’t want to start that up again either. She needed to get herself under control before she fell down that dark hole again. As Katelyn hit the send button, she knew this wouldn’t be the end of the conversation and she just prayed that she didn’t snap once and for all.

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