In all the writing that I’ve done, my favorites have been my music posts. Aside from being a subject I love to talk about, I’ve always felt that music better often expressed how I felt about my world and the world around me better than I could. Those posts also gave an insight into me that most people wouldn’t otherwise get.
I’m starting a new chapter in my life soon, which includes a major career change. I will be moving my writing to my own site and working on some projects that have been sitting on the back burner for far too long. This post speaks to part of this new adventure I’m embarking on.
Shortly after breaking up with my ex, I heard the song “Jar of Hearts” by Christina Perri. Aside from the fact that it just might be the best breakup song ever, I fell absolutely in love with her voice. I’ve kept an eye out for new songs by her, hoping she’d put out a new album. She has. And I love it. There’s a lot about love and loss and fear on this album, and that is something we can all relate to. One song in particular, though, causes me to hit the repeat button with the volume up as loud as I can take. That song is called “Arms.”
The other day on the radio, the DJ mentioned an interview where Perri said that the song is about the fear that comes along when you fall in love. Loving someone else is the most vulnerable and frightening thing we do. Many of us have loved and lost. When your heart is broken, you don’t think you’ll ever love again. You don’t believe you’ll ever feel that flutter in your stomach when you think about or see that special someone. You don’t ever expect your heart to race again when she touches your arm or your hair. When you’ve lost love, all you can think about is how you never want to hurt like this again, so you’ll never love again. Lucky for us we aren’t really in control of that.
Sure, we can deny it all we want when we feel it, but by then it’s too late. If we feel it, that means it’s real. And that means we are vulnerable again, and that brings out all our fears. The fear of being rejected. The fear of losing that love. The fear of not being “good enough” for that person we love. Fear is a natural defense mechanism, but it’s also something we must overcome. I say this knowing very well how difficult it is to do. I’ve never had an easy time letting people into my heart or beyond that wall I use to protect myself. It can make for a very lonely existence at times. But the few who do get past are special and get to see a side of me most people don’t. They also get to see the fear and the vulnerability close-up and it isn’t always pretty.
One of the lines in the song is “I hope that you see right through my walls.” I think that’s one of the best song lines ever written. That’s what love is about. When someone loves you and you love them, you see through the walls you each put up for protection. You can reach right through, touch their heart, and tell them they don’t ever have to be alone. Don’t let fear stop you from loving, especially in a world where love seems to be so rare now. Open up your arms and let that other person fall into them. When you catch them, don’t ever let go. That’s my plan.