Musical Musings – Chasing Pavements

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I was talking to a friend last night about relationships and how difficult it can be to know when to give up and when to keep trying. It can be a very fine line and is unique to each person and each relationship. I will be the first to admit that in the relationship with my ex, I stayed about three years too long. But, hindsight is 20/20. Even when I was in the relationship, I knew it wasn’t going to last and that I needed to find a way out. Despite all my efforts at trying to make things work, it was completely one-sided. I was the only one trying. I was the only one compromising. I was the only one who seemed to care. I was too stubborn and loyal for my own good.

I don’t believe in giving up on a relationship of any sort or a person until there are just no other options left. It may be the hopeful optimist or romantic in me. It may be that I’m just unrealistic. Maybe it’s that I’m doing what I’d want someone else to do if the situation were reversed. Too many people have given up on me or not given me the chance to deal with things in my own way and time. That should make me more understanding of others in the same position. Unfortunately, human nature gets in the way, and I find myself wanting answers to things that there may not be answers to. At least, not right away.

I have problems dealing with uncertainty, especially in relationships. I like to know where I stand and how someone feels about me and our relationship. I want to know if I’m smothering someone and they need space. I want to know if I’m not paying enough attention to someone. I want to know what someone expects from me or needs from me. I’m not a mind reader. I used to ask my ex what she wanted or needed and she’d never give me a straight answer. It drove me up the fucking wall, especially when she’d then accuse me of not doing anything to show I care. Or I’d do something to show I care or ask her how she was, etc., and she’d tell me it wasn’t the right thing or that I didn’t seem sincere. It was a no win situation. Now, I feel conditioned to respond to everyone in the same paranoid manner I did with my ex. It isn’t good. It is overwhelming for some. These are my issues to deal with and I need to do so quickly. The collateral damage is too much.

What’s the point of all this rambling and how does it relate to the chosen song? Only I can know when to stop pursuing something that I feel is worthwhile. I have more faith in others than I do myself sometimes. I hope that others will have the same faith in me and not give up on something easily. I hope that they don’t give up on me because I won’t give up on them, not as long as I think there is something wonderful and beautiful possible. The road might be long and hard, but when you finally arrive at the destination it can be more satisfying than you ever imagined.

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