Peace and Happiness

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The memory of her lingers long after she’s gone. The scent of her hair on the pillow. The sound of her laugh. The feel of her hand in mine. The image of her smile. These are the things I keep with me on the days we’re apart. Even if it’s just a few days, it always seems like longer. To genuinely miss someone is a good sign in my world.

I’ve had many friends comment about how they can see true happiness in my smile and my eyes. Some of these people have known me for over a decade, so that in itself says something. They saw me when I was married. They saw or heard from me when I was with my ex-girlfriend. They saw me when I was alone, recovering from those years that were so hard on me physically and emotionally. Now, they see the real me shining through, happy and content. She’s a big part of that.

I wasn’t miserable when I was married, but I wasn’t happy either. I was never really at ease. I felt like a fraud the entire time. With my ex-girlfriend, there were fleeting moments of happiness, but they never lasted. And four years of being in a constant state of fight or flight mode overshadowed any good that might have been there. I’ve been asked why I didn’t date during those two years after the ex. Because I needed to recover. I needed time to rest. I now believe it was preparing me for the road I’m currently on. And for the first time, I feel peaceful and content.

In the months we’ve known each other, she has reminded me what it is like to be with someone who is kind and considerate and funny. She planned two surprise weekends for my birthday, which blew me away. Nobody has done something like that for me before. She is more than happy to indulge my love of Star Wars. She takes time during her busy days to see how I am. She’s surprised me with visits when I’ve had bad days. Whenever I think about her, a smile breaks across my face. I think that says it all.

Who knew that words born of my temporary angst would lead to such a wonderful change in my life. Or that because she was going through a similar situation, my words would touch her the way they did. A lot of things really do come down to timing. A friend said to me “The Universe has a way of knowing when we are ready for the answer – even when we don’t even know the damn question. Obviously – you were ready for the answer.” She’s right. Often, the best things come to you when you least expect it. She came to me and I came to her. Now it’s just time to enjoy many moments together.

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