The Princess and the Taser

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Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there lived a beautiful princess who had a keen sense of smell. Normally, this sense was a gift. She delighted in the wonderful smells that occupied her kingdom. Fresh roses. Rain. Cookies and brownies baking in the oven. Newly cut basil, ready to be made into pesto.

The princess worked in an office because in this kingdom, work was necessary for all. Most of the people who worked in the office were considerate people, who knew the princess had a keen sense of smell. They knew to not cook anything that might upset the princess’s nose. It was common knowledge to all that this princess had a dark side. When provoked, she could turn into a frightening, vengeful creature.

There was one worker, however, who did not heed the warnings of her fellow villagers. They had told her to never, ever microwave fish while the princess was in the office. But this worker, commonly referred to as the office fool, laughed at her co-workers warnings. When it was time for lunch, she put her fish stick meal in the microwave and cackled as the scent wafted through the office.

The princess, sitting in her office working diligently, caught a whiff of the fish in the air, and began to twitch. With nose pointed into the air, she followed the offending scent to the office of the fool.

“This is your first offense, and being a kind and forgiving princess, I will let it pass. But do not push me. You do not want to incur my wrath,” the princess snarled.

The fool laughed and said, “You don’t scare me. I’ll continue to cook fish as often as I want.”

“You’ve been warned,” the princess said and walked back to her office.

The next day, the fool walked to the microwave and laughed as she microwaved yet another fish meal. The princess, nauseated by the smell, decided a final, and more stern warning, was necessary. While the fool was out that afternoon, the princess left a dead fish on her chair with a note that read “This is your last warning. Microwave fish again and you’ll be sleeping with them.”

When the fool found the note and fish, she was briefly frightened. But being a fool, she quickly brushed off the warning and went about her day. “Who does this princess think she is, telling me I can’t cook fish here?”

The next morning, the princess was enjoying her coffee, when a foul scent assaulted her yet again. It was 10 am and the fool was cooking fish. This was the last straw for the princess. Her body began to shake as her inner monster broke through.

Suddenly, the princess was a giant, frightening monster! She was 10 feet tall, with sharp fangs and glowing red eyes. Her voice shook the walls as she yelled, “You shall pay dearly for your offense!”

The princess stomped out of her office, taking part of the doorway out with her, and made her way to the fool’s office. Other office workers cowered in fear and dove under their desks. They knew what was about to happen. They had seen it once before when a former co-worker had insisted on eating corn nuts in front of the princess.

As she busted through the fool’s office door, the fool turned around and froze in horror. Never in her life had she seen such a terrifying creature. She dropped her fish meal on the floor and shook in fear.

“Now you shall pay for your offenses!” the princess roared. “You were given plenty of warnings and chose to ignore them. You have written your own fate with your careless disregard for my rules!”

The princess pulled a taser out from the recesses of her hideous body. But this wasn’t just any taser. This was a magic taser, enchanted to turn the person being tased into whatever form the princess wished. The princess shot the fool with the taser and laughed maniacally as she held the trigger down. The fool writhed around on the ground, begging for forgiveness. But it was too late. When the princess was done, she put the taser away. The fool had been turned into a fish stick frozen meal. The princess picked up the meal and placed it in the freezer.¬†And there she would stay for all eternity because everyone knew to not cook that meal, or else risk the same fate.

And the princess lived happily ever after. The End.

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