Neither of them was looking for a relationship when they met. Gabrielle was coming out of a toxic situation that lasted a few years too many. Lucy was still dealing with her own personal losses. They just started talking and quickly became friends. The beauty of online correspondence is that it can break down walls you put up to protect yourself. Gabrielle had always had a hard time talking to people in person, at least until she really get to know them. Of course, most people didn’t get to know her all that well because she don’t open up much. Ironic, isn’t it?
It was different with Lucy. Even though the women hadn’t met in person, Gabrielle felt like she knew Lucy. She felt comfortable with her and could tell her anything. They were drawn to each other. Gabrielle wasn’t sure that her heart could take the chance after everything she had been through. But even the fear couldn’t stop her from falling for Lucy and it wasn’t long before she knew she loved her.
Gabrielle dated the same way she shopped. She didn’t do it often and she went in looking for very specific things; if she didn’t’ find them, she was out. Why waste the time if you know it isn’t going to fit or look good on you? Meeting Lucy was like having the perfect pair of jeans dropped in her lap when she wasn’t looking.
If Gabrielle made a checklist of all the things she looked for in a partner, Lucy would fit it perfectly. She even fit the items listed as “preferred but not required.” She was smart, funny, kind, passionate, loving, beautiful, strong, and a complete smartass. She appreciated Gabrielle for who she was and that was a nice change. She was the one Gabrielle had been looking for all along.
They talked a lot about what they were scared of, what they wanted. The feelings between them were mutual, which actually terrified both of them quite a bit. Neither of them was free from emotional baggage, but felt they could get through it together. Both women wanted to take their time and not rush into anything. A future together was what they wanted. For the first time, Gabrielle felt like she was in the right place with the right person. She just wished they didn’t live on different sides of the country. Being in the same room together sometimes would probably help them deal with the fears and insecurities that came with a new relationship. It just wasn’t feasible at the time. They had to rely on words alone.
It was a cold, rainy spring day and Gabrielle was feeling really alone. She missed Lucy. Closing her eyes, she imagined they were together. Gabrielle sat down on the couch next to her and Lucy put her arm around her. Gabrielle curled in closer and rested her head on Lucy’s shoulder. Taking a deep breath, she could smell Lucy’s shampoo. Stroking her arm, Gabrielle could feel the softness of Lucy’s skin. Lucy played with Gabrielle’s hair and gently kissed her head. They both settled into the couch deeper and relaxed. Soon, their breathing was in sync. Gabrielle could feel Lucy’s heart beating and soon they were beating together. They had become one heart, one body, one soul.
The dog barked and jarred Gabrielle out of her blissful state. She opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling for awhile before getting up. Trudging down the hall, she felt the tears start. They burned as they rolled down her face. She could no longer see where she was going but she didn’t care. She opened the door for the dog and let her out. Gabrielle then sank to the ground, pulled her knees up to her chest, and dropped her head. She sobbed and screamed and let all the frustration out. She could hear the tears hitting the hardwood floors as she just sat there in the cold, wailing.
Lucy had said she needed to go away for awhile. She didn’t think she was what Gabrielle needed and she didn’t want to hurt her. No matter what Gabrielle said, no matter how many times she told Lucy she was what she needed and wanted, Lucy just couldn’t believe it. So Gabrielle sat and cried because she didn’t know when, or even if, Lucy would come back.