I think I’m going to take an unusual approach to Valentine’s Day this year. After all, it will just be me and the dog. It has never been my favorite holiday. I’d rather have small romantic gestures and displays of love throughout the year, instead of one major showing on a “designated” day. The holiday has been on my mind though lately. Single for the first time in a long time, I’ve decided to use the day to deal with some baggage that has recently shown up at my door.
Maybe it’s the season. Maybe it’s all the reminders on tv and the radio. All I know is some major insecurities and neuroses have reared their ugly heads this week. I broke down into tears at the end of Glee because they were singing “Silly Love Songs” to all the single people gathered at a local restaurant. What the hell? I’ve spent too many hours thinking about how much my ex rejected and ignored me, and then wondering if the same thing will happen with the next person. That kind of thinking isn’t fair to me, and it sure as hell isn’t fair to whoever is brave and kind enough to take me on.
This year, Valentine’s Day will be about renewal. I want to go into my next relationship with as little baggage as possible. I don’t want to drag my neuroses around forever. Sure, some stuff will remain because that’s just human nature. But I’d rather have a small carry-on than a cart full of stuff I don’t need. And what says renewal more than fire? I will make a list of the insecurities and neuroses and how they came to exist in this little head of mine. I will then burn the son of a bitch and raise a glass to myself and the future. I will burn the crap because I deserve to be free of it.
Most of all, I will burn it because the next person in my life deserves a better me.