You’d been on my mind a lot. I’m not sure why. Maybe it was the weather. Maybe it was the flu I was fighting. Certain things trigger these thoughts of you without warning. Some days I can easily push them aside. Other days, it takes all my energy to not think about you.
I’m sure you were just as surprised to see me today as I was you. There we were, staring at one another, neither sure of what to do. Every fiber of my being told me to just walk away. You aren’t good for me. You never have been. There have been too many others like you in my life before. How many of you have I touched with my lips, shaking in anticipation of that moment? You’re all the same. Sweet and attractive. There’s this high being with you. At first. Then the real you comes out. Always. You end up being nothing but air and empty promises. The disappointment leaves me feeling sapped of energy and like a lead balloon is sitting in my stomach. I should know better. Why haven’t I learned my lesson yet?
The problem is you know my weaknesses far too well. You prey on them. You take some sick pleasure in making me want you, watching me struggle with the choice. Today was no different. I could see it in your eyes as soon as you saw me. They glistened under the lights. They said, “C’mon. Just one more time.” You knew that with just two words, you could break me, send me over the edge. I prayed that you wouldn’t say them. I prayed for the strength to resist. You slowly whispered them in my ear.
So I did.
All my resolve had melted away in those seconds we stared at each other. Those two words were enough to send me over the edge. I grabbed you and pulled you to my lips. Oh, the taste of you was so sweet. Just like I remembered. But a few minutes later, you were gone and all I was left with were the same empty promises you gave me before.
Damn you! Damn this weakness of mine! Why can’t I quit you? You aren’t good for me. I have to stay away. I’m sorry. We just can’t keep doing this. I’m better than this. I’m better than this cheap thing we have. Go find someone else to prey on. Go find someone else to fill up with your empty promises. I’m not your bitch anymore.